What is most helpful as we grieve?
Having information on expected, normal behaviors and on available resources;
giving ourselves permission to grieve, to express feelings; finding good
listeners, those who understand us and our pain, accepting the support of
others (this may make our grief a little easier to bear); knowing that our
grieving occurs in a random fashion.
How to help ourselves while we are grieving
Encountering the strong emotions that come to us while grieving can be
very painful and powerful. At the same time, we have the ability to help
ourselves in the healing process. We do not "get over" a loss,
but we do learn to live with it over time. Here are some things you can
do as you are healing:
Externalizing the pain
Talking and writing about the loss are important ways to take the pain
that is on the inside and bring it out. Allowing the tears to flow freely
is helpful, as is finding a person willing to be a good listener.
Memories
Our relationship with the deceased is now firmly rooted in memory rather
than in presence. Memories can be kept alive by talking and writing about
the loved one. Some people create memory books of photos and keepsakes.
Be aware that there are both happy and painful memories.
Physical care
It is very important to eat balanced meals on a regular basis while
we are grieving, especially since we may loose our appetite and
our interest in food. We also need exercise and adequate rest. Relaxation
techniques can help, such as finding a quiet place and thinking
positive, pleasant thoughts, or concentrating on slowly relaxing
each part of the body. It also is a good idea to have a complete
physical exam soon after the loss.
Hold on to hope
As we go through this painful process, we need to know that better days
will be back. Eventually, we will experience our grief in a different
way. The waves of grieving may still be intense, but they will tend to
be shorter in duration and less frequent. Gradually, a new sense of purpose
emerges as we learn to live with the loss.
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